kaaayrutledge:

There’s a new Hyperbole and a Half, you guys, and it is spectacular.

edating:

i feel like i annoy everyone that doesnt start the conversation with me first

madelinestarr:

hello 911 yes i didn’t understand tonight’s doctor who

When Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio) is preparing to draw Rose (Kate Winslet), he tells her to “Over on the bed… the couch.” The line was scripted “Over on that couch”, but DiCaprio made an honest mistake and James Cameron liked it so much he kept it in.

"If there is a God, He will have to beg my forgiveness."  - A phrase that was carved on the walls of a concentration camp cell during WWII by a Jewish prisoner. (via notclarissa)

geometricdeathtrap:

metallikato:

generallegendary:

metallikato:

jewelstaites:

how to give a good handjob

• bop it
• pull it
• twist it

• harder
• better
• faster
• stronger 

You pull your left hand in
You pull your left hand out
You pull your left hand in
And you shake it all about!

Cha cha real smooth

none of you ever touch a penis

• Me: I'm just going to rest my eyes for 5 minutes
•  *Wakes up February 5, 2069*

general psa: 

jcatgrl:

freedom of speech means that the government is not allowed to tell you to shut the fuck up. it doesn’t mean that i am not allowed to tell you to shut the fuck up.

individul:

guccier:

buttercvp:

WHY CAN’T I BE YOU

sobbing

alisanBbY uRSoPERFRCT

youputthetowelonthetable:

barryyouasshole:

What does a nosey pepper do?

It gets

jalapeño business

moltres:

overhearing a conversation between strangers in which they’re saying something completely wrong and you really feel like correcting them

teenagesophiebennett:

you know parents make such a big deal about explaining homosexuality to their children but when I was a kid I watched a show where one of the villains was a satanic cross-dressing lobster and never once questioned it